Today, I am going
to give my thoughts on swinging from the female's perspective. Even
though I don't claim to represent every woman, I do welcome your
comments on this piece.
As many are
aware, the general public views swinging as a sexual deviation which
most are totally unfamiliar with. Because of this, talking about
one's swinging experiences with other women is almost impossible.
Unfortunately, women don't express sex openly like their male counterparts.
Because of this, until a woman develops friends within the lifestyle,
they might feel very isolated. Men seem to adapt better only because
they are raised different socially.
As a woman,
I was very concerned with my self-respect at first. I didn't want
to be considered a slut or a prude for that matter, and just because
I felt awkward, I was concerned about not making those around me
feel awkward. In other words, I considered it to be my problem,
my partner to be comfortable. I have to admit that hiding your feelings
from your partner has to be the most difficult undertaking. I found
it unbearable to pretend, but until we developed a system of signals
between us, I couldn't exactly announce my concerns in front of
a couple I've just met.
For me, my
AIDS phobia gets in the way. Even though AIDS is not a big problem
among swingers, I admit I go overboard sometimes, and it is up to
Magic to bring me back to "reasonable" precautions. I personally
like couples who have been together for years and have a stable
relationship where they love and respect each other. Okay, I know
what some of you are thinking, "If the couple has that, why swing?"
Well, after a while, it is NOT enough for many. Magic puts it this
"It is within
our nature to grow and change. If this is the case, wouldn't our
relationships grow and change as well ?"
We are all made
up of many facets, some of us are rather simple and some of us,
like Magic, are quite complex human beings. In our society, we are
raised with the myth that someday we will find this "one" person
who satisfies every facet of our being. When this happens, we will
never have need of any form of intimacy with anyone else for the
rest of our lives. Does this sound familiar to you ladies?
That is how I
was raised. Now that I've journeyed down the path of life, I have
learned it is a "nice fantasy." I'm sure some of us find this and
are quite happy, but what do the rest of us do? Just because one
wants to have physical sexual enjoyment with another person doesn't
mean you're ready to leave you partner. Nor does it mean your husband
is going to leave you for some 20-year-old blonde, with a killer
body either. There is a lot to be said about having a history with
The truth is,
you may trust your partner, however, you may have trouble developing
trust with a couple you've just met and with whom you are supposed
to enjoy sex with in a matter of hours, days, or weeks. If I sense
frustration from the other woman or I feel she doesn't understand
why her husband wants to swing, I try to give the couple room to
work it out. New swingers need leeway, and I give it to them. After
all, I still remember what it was like to be a newbie.
even after all this time, I still get a little flustered when a
couple we've just met expects me to just take off my clothes whether
or not we have developed rapport. However, sometimes Magic has developed
this rapport with them. This simple act will usually squelch my
inhibitions. Why? I trust my partner. This trust not only came from
our relationship, but it also came from being swingers. Swinging,
by its very nature, pushes you to grow and to overcome your fears,
inhibitions, and insecurities.
with a man I feel attracted too, I'm as quick to get caught up in
the passion of the moment as anyone. I find myself content at sitting
on the floor at a man's feet and playfully licking and sucking his
cock. I try to cater my reactions to his responses, and I find myself
starving for him as I suck on his balls. I'm prone to cumming when
I sense a man is fully enjoying the pleasure I'm giving him. I find
a wonderful contentment, if I can taste a man's cum and experience
the delight of swallowing. I am very frisky that way. Magic isn't
threatened to see me as I pleasure someone besides him for a change.
What turns him on is the fact I am enjoying myself. It's interesting
how I can excite everyone else in the room as I pleasure myself
most of all. Often, everyone gets so excited that they don't even
realize how much I'm getting from the experience.
Women can be
quite pleasurable too. I have developed quite a taste for pussy.
I enjoy seeing a woman lose control at the feel of my tongue on
her clit. I learned this really nice technique from Magic of grabbing
it with your lips, sucking it into your mouth, then flicking the
very tip of your tongue up and down light and fast over it.
If you have the
oral dexterity you can also roll your lips from side to side at
the same time. It really takes some practice, but once you have
it down it will drive just about any woman mad. When that happens,
I enjoy feeling her orgasm and knowing I can please her.
Sex with both
men and women can be fun, and I'm glad I'm not a man.
What really makes
the experience special? Most men never get to enjoy both sexes.
It is one of those things our society just doesn't condone. Being
a bisexual woman in swinging is actually a benefit, if not easier
and more fun. I have experienced a woman's lust and a man's lust,
and both are unique and beautiful. I truly hope more women can shed
their inhibitions to get the enjoyment and fulfillment they deserve.
Go slow if you have to. Let your man know you want to enjoy the
woman before he does, if this is what it will take to make you more
comfortable. In life, never pass up an opportunity for pleasure.
is important. If you're uncomfortable, let your man know in the
gentlest of ways, then take some responsibility for your own pleasure
and set the pace.
we have an incredible capacity to love and have sex. Don't set yourself
up to be victimized by your upbringing or the lifestyle. If you're
not getting what you need, then you must do something to change
it. Don't be afraid to experiment. The smartest thing you can do
is to seek the aid and advice of another experienced female swing
veteran. Ideally, you should be able to share your fantasies with
your man; but, as we all know, it is not an ideal world. If you
don't take upon yourself some control over the situations you take
part in, then you will never be enlightened to the lifestyle's immense
I have grown since being in the lifestyle. Unlike many, he was honest
from the beginning about his being a lifestyle swinger. I entered
this relationship knowing this was part of his world, and I was
going to be expected to be a part of it. This is different than
being married to someone and they then inform you that they want
to move into the swing world. So, for me, the transition was easier
since Magic has always needed more sexual stimulation than I could
As a couple,
we have branched into S&M. I never realized how intensely we
would get caught up in sexual variations. As I look back on it,
I've grown through swinging. I don't pine over the loss of my youth,
instead I revel in my maturity. I am no longer shocked by all the
things I used to do when I was younger, nor do I giggle like a dolt
anymore, thank God. My morality hasn't changed. I've never tried
to steal away another woman's man, and I've never taken advantage
of any naïve youth. I am neither promiscuous nor without conscience.
your style, and your self-esteem are the assets with which you have
upon entering the swing world. The growth and pleasure which free
sexual expression can give you doesn't take away self-esteem. In
my view, it builds it. There is nothing like watching a swing virgin
discover that after 15 years of marriage and a few kids, she still
is not only desirable to other people but she still can be a sexual
person, wife, and mother. Somewhere along the way in life we forget
these things. Our society fosters the notion that to be "Mom" is
to be sexless, and to be a "good girl" is to deny your sensual and
sexual potential. Sorry, I think that is not only wrong but cruel
what you could be because of your insecurities. Swinging is NOT
a place for chronically insecure people, for in this adventure you
will be expected to face your fears and that which makes you uncomfortable.
The whole point is to face them and put them behind you. I touched
on this earlier, and now I want to go back to it. If your husband
comes home and says he wants to try swinging, the worse thing you
can do is to shut him out.
One of the sad
truths I have witnessed, and I know I'm going to catch hell for
this, is if you think by saying "NO" you're going to keep him from
being stolen away by some young pretty blonde, you are fooling yourself.
If anything, in this one single act, you have just shoved the man
you love away from you spiritually. Granted, many men will keep
their oaths and be faithful "sexually," but spiritually you may
have just lost him.
Growth is inevitable
in any relationship, and when you try to keep things "safe" and
predictable, eventually people outgrow you. By going into swinging
with a closed mind or with the attitude that someone more desirable
will steal him away, you are guaranteeing it may happen. It won't
be swinging's fault or his fault, it will be yours because you didn't
fight your insecurities. I've seen women turn into shrews at swing
functions and then wonder why their man (partner) has cut themselves
off from them. When it comes to swinging, a "don't leave me" death
grip is the worst thing you can do.
As women, our
relationships are important to us, but when your man (woman) wants
to journey down this path, if you want to keep the relationship,
you best go with them. For, once a relationship comes to this point,
you may be damned if you do and damned if you don't. In my view,
I would feel a lot better off if I was damned for trying to give
my partner the growth and freedom they needed. Insecurity is just
plain fear. So, what will it be? Are you to be ruled by your fears,
or rule over your fears? The latter should lead to shared intimacy
of you, your partner, and others.
will learn along the way will be invaluable to you, strengthen you,
and allow you
to participate without being scared. Learn and grow from this, but
also use your instincts too. There are certain people who will be
loyal allies, and those that you won't be able to trust. By opening
your mind and your heart, you do indeed take great risks. However,
from where I sit, you take an even greater risk by sticking your
head in the sand, trying to protect the constructs of your current
with Magic makes me feel good about his adventures because, in the
end, I'm the one he comes home to. Last night he called me from
the Swing Convention, Reflections. Unfortunately, because of a work
situation, I couldn't attend, so he went with a dear friend of ours
named "Marnie" who lives in Florida.
It was about
11 P.M. when the phone rang. I had been laying in bed feeling kind
of horny when I picked up the phone.
There was the
sound of heavy breathing and a female voice I recognized.
this is Marnie. How are you doing?"
I really miss being there, but I'll live. What's up with you guys?"
she groaned, "Magic felt you might want to share the fun for a bit."
Marnie was starting to become rather breathless.
is that bad boy of mine," I asked, but I already had a serious suspicion
I knew not only where he was but in "whom" as well. About then Marnie
made a sharp cry before she continued. My nipples were already hard
and my clit started to swell.
me, here on the bed, with his cock inside my pussy."
"Why am I
not surprised," I laughed. In the background, I could hear Magic
telling her to tell me what was happening. I reached up and began
to caress my hardened nipples with my fingertips. Marnie's whimper
of pleasure echoed forth as she began.
"I'm on the
bed on all fours. Magic's cock is slowly moving in and out of my
wet pussy. Oh, it feels so good and it's so hot. Beneath me, Mary
is licking my clit and his balls. Oh, God, yes.lick it slut." Marnie
said a couple of words I didn't understand, then she continued.
fuck it. Oh, oh, it feels so good. Her tongue is flicking up and
down on my clit. I can feel her slurping up my juices off of his
cock. He's moving so slowly he's driving me insane." Listening to
Marnie, I began to roll my nipples between my thumb and forefinger,
sending cascades of pleasure through my body. A few moments later,
I heard her grunting in earnest as he began to fuck her harder.
I could hear her cries of passion and her telling him to "fuck me,
fuck me hard." There was a sudden rustling sound, then I heard Magic's
familiar smooth baritone voice.
I wish you were here."
said, "sounds like I'm missing a good time ."
began, "that's why I'm calling. I wanted to share it with you."
In the background
I could hear Marnie's cries of passion, and I could tell she was
getting it good. Personally, I know what that cock can do, and the
memory made my clit throb even more. Reaching down, I began to finger
"Is it wet?"
asked Magic in his uniquely seductive voice.
I'm playing with it."
said. "Mary's now licking my shaft as I'm fucking Marnie from behind.
I can feel her hot tongue dancing along the bottom of it and up
to her clit, then back again. Now I'm ramming my cock hard into
her pussy and she's starting to cum." In the background, I could
hear her going off like a Roman candle.
he said, "Mary is now sucking on my cock."
I could hear
the lewd sounds she was making. "She's licking off Marnie's juices.
Oh, yeah baby, lick it. Lick her up. Marnie has now gone down on
her while she's swallowing me. Oh, love, I wish you were here to
see how Mary's fucking my cock with her mouth." My fingers were
now moving frantically within my pussy, as I visualized what was
going on. I could see myself as I have before, wrapping my tongue
around Mary's clit as she sucked off my man.
It was about
then that I heard muffled cries, as I knew Mary was starting to
cum with Magic's cock still in her mouth. The thought and visualization
of it all sent me over the edge, as well. The tidal wave of pleasure
hit me and took me away as I dropped the phone. My back arched as
I road the wave, my hips doing a little dance. When I came back,
I picked up the phone to hear screams of loud, lewd passion as Mary
and Marnie had at each other while Magic spanked them both. Afterward,
he sat in a corner in a chair and we talked.
I don't know
what the future holds for Magic and me, but I do know this, relationships
mature and so do people. If someday Magic and I are no longer together,
I can honestly say it wasn't because of the swinging. It will probably
be because of, well, life!
Convention was a nice time. It was held March 20-23 in Daytona Beach,
and I got to meet some wonderful people. As conventions go, Reflections
pulls a more mature East Coast crowd than some of the other events.
I'd have to say the basic age range was 45 and up, with a sprinkling
of us spring chickens. I was one of the youngest people there. Tom
and Lynda Gayle do a nice job overall in putting this event together.
Before I move
on I'd like to say a hello to:
Tom and Lynda
Gayle, Steve and Dee Dee (love that woman, all 4'9" of her,) Cole
and Susie (sorry guys, I wanted to get together...looks like I'll
have to come to Miss. to party,) Cline and Marsha (so what do you
think now Marsha?), and everyone else who I don't have time nor
space to name.
I regret: It
is unfortunate, but we couldn't make Visions which this year was
in Tampa. Ray and Holly work so hard for that event.
As the year rolls
on, there are still more events to happen, Lifestyles, The Fall
Ball, Dominion 97 (hello Midian and tuka,) Conclave 97-½, and Diversions.
For those of
you who can't make it, well you can always read about the parties
here in the pages of Odyssey, so make sure your subscription is
up to date.
Until next time,