It is rare for a person such as I to continuously lament of events of the past.

However, 97 was a turning point in this adventure called, "my life". Years from now, if and when I do look back, there will always be a certain amount sadness, anger and pain in what I think I'll call the, "year of loss".

1997 started with an ominous dark shadow of forbearance from events which had transpired in Pennsylvania Sept. of 1996. It was from these events which lead me to write SOULMATES and left an indelible scar upon my psyche. One which as much as I want it to, may never completely heal. In those months I was very angry and hurt by what I had allowed you to do to me Kimberly. I felt trapped in a bad carnival ride being tossed from one emotion to the other. There would be moments when I loved you and wanted to make love to you, and other moments when I wanted to strangle you wait never mind, you like that. *laugh* .

Here I was a born Warrior, who by the age of 17 was proficient with a plethora of hand weapons and expert rated in several families of firearms. My mind, spirit and soul is that of a warrior. I am no stranger to pain nor loss, for I have had held past team members in my arms as they died. In the end you did something, no enemy, no event, no life threatening situation, no death could ever do. For a brief moment, you caused me to loose faith in myself and for a warrior this is a first class express ride to oblivion.

Fortunately one morning I got up looked in the mirror and a little voice in my head said:

" So.. are you dead.. did this kill you ?"

" No" I sighed.

" Then what does your (warriors) life code say in regard to this ?"

" What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I said to myself.

As a warrior and as a Edge rider we lose people all the time and just learn to "drive on", for a time I forgot who and what I was.

I wish you the best in life Kim, for you have some heavy duty tests yet to come. Hopefully you'll survive them thereby having the opportunity to learn the lesson afterward. Perhaps, we'll meet again, you know where to find me. In the meantime, this is where I turn the corner and drive on.

No longer Magic & Marie Now just Magic.

After 8 years of being together Marie and I broke up. I finally couldn't be her enabler anymore and forced her out, to get the help she needed. Unfortunately, when you live on St. Croix getting help for Disassociated personality disorder (multiple personality) is impossible. For 8 years I lived with three then four different women all sharing the same body. I think I did damn well but in the end it doesn't mean shit, the relationship failed bottom line. I was part of this relationship, therefore I was part of the failure.

I know two of the four personalities now hate me, but for the record: I haven't stopped loving you Marie.

My job:

What do you do when your boss is a 58 year old child ? For two years I was basically a working manager in the company. At first it was a wonderful challenge and I loved the job, but then things began to change. It was bad enough that I worked and managed in a constantly changing environment, hell.. I love that part. But if you're going to micro-manage all the time then don't be surprised when people stop making decisions.

Over the last year I have watched as the owner made some very BAD decisions four out of five which I told him it was a "bad idea". End result the company is going under. Fortunately, I have learned from my employers mistakes in many area's including people skills. When you live on an island don't go around screwing people, it will come back to you. Well I think it is time I ducked, I see a life time of his shit looping back around.

Anybody need a very good Operations/ business manager with finance, computers and security skills ? I'm particularly interested in the Tampa or Orlando FL. Areas.

Magic's World:

For a time we rejoiced for when we moved the Sanctuary to Tekfront. We honestly thought the new server host was going to live up to all his promises. NOT !! In the end we had to move back to EBS net. Eventually Tekfront died and even our own beloved Sister Shrike ( Sanctuary Disciple) got screwed by the principals partners as well. There were so many things I wanted to do in 97 with Magic's World, but I just didn't have the cash to pay the programmers to do custom work.

Cate:

A.K.A slave sugar

She was a dear friend and kindred spirit. I really don't want to discuss the details but I feel a sense of great loss. This dear friend went back to a lover whom she swore she would never go back to. He claimed that it would all be different and that he had changed Since he ( the boyfriend ) hates me, we haven't spoken since. Until another time Cate, after you have worked it all out.

I just hope he doesn't kill you...again.
143 sugar

Update: 2003.

Enough time has passed that it is now appropriate to say more about this. As it turns out she has her own thoughts on our encounter and you can read them here. Her web site is called Sugar's Sweet Spot.

Magic Tours

It was a nice idea, but then the airlines decided to put the travel agents out of business. ( They wanted to increase profits by paying less commissions) The parent company to Magic Tours has had to undergo drastic changes which ultimately effects my end of things. Once again, I've been gutted by events beyond my control. At this time we are still operating, just not to the level I would prefer. Franky, I doubt Cruise & Travel will survive this. When it dies so will Magic Tours. Overall it has taught me some interesting lessons.

Closing:

I can not say I'm sorry to see 1997 become history. For there were many other people, events and happenings which profoundly touched my life, soul and heart. Some positively (you know who you are) and some negatively. For reasons of privacy I have omitted you, for I choose not to discuss those particular people, places or events publicly at this time. However, fear not for you shan't escape comment or my literary wrath in my memoirs.

The person who created Magic's World four years ago is not the same person before you now. As it is our species nature, I have grown a bit older, colder and a little wiser. If I were to attempt to sum up the lessons learned from this painful year it would be thus:

Magic's Law: #19
There is no such thing as absolute Destiny or Freewill,
for both are carefully interwoven into the fabric of the human existence.
Destiny: is the doors presented before you...
Freewill: is the choice whether to walk through it or not...